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Saturday, 4 June 2016

Still alive

Hi guys, I just wanted to stop by and let you know I'm still breathing. Unfortunately I have neglected this blog terribly for a long time now. It all started when my marriage ended in late 2012, for a long time I just didn't feel like posting at all eventually the dust settled and I've never really managed to kick start things again. It's a shame because there are more followers now than when I stopped updating!

I'm in a better mental place now, I still have periods of feeling down though. I'm at a strange stage in life. Every second I spend with my daughter is fantastic but whenever she isn't there I tend to feel empty and lonely but as a self confessed introvert and someone who tends to suffer from social anxiety I find it difficult to meet people. When I feel down I often suffer from a lack of enthusiasm when it comes to photography.

I'm currently unhappy because my ex is moving to the next city with my daughter and changing her school, I'll still see her as much as possible but this move means I will no longer have her on school nights and no longer be able to take her to school in the morning before work which is one of her favourite things and something I enjoy immensely as a parent, our current routine is going to be changed quite dramatically and it's making me very nervous.

I currently have her 3 nights a week and will now only be able to have her 2 nights. I also tend to see her a lot even when it's not my "turn" to have her because she lives so close, me and her mother would often meet up to do the school run or take the kid to the park etc and this kind of thing will decrease dramatically after the move. I'm trying to stay positive but simply knowing I will never get her ready for school and drop her off and/or collect her from school is heartbreaking, I'm a very sentimental person and this is one of those activities I feel bonds us as parent and child.

I'm very torn by the whole situation because on the one hand me and my ex haven't fallen out, this isn't one of those parents at war things or anything of the sort but that almost makes it more frustrating in a way because I strongly believe the entire move will be in vain, I feel she is allowing her irrational feelings for a bad partner she knows she has no future with to rule her mind. It will inevitably end once a again and it will have all been for nothing. I feel this whole thing is unnecessary and that my continual effort to be a committed and available father is being under-appreciated or at least drowned out by someone's misguided belief that a different postcode will magically solve her life issues. But that's a whole other story in itself!

I just wanted you to all know that I'm still here, I still think about the blog often but I just need to find a way to ignite things again.

A lot has changed since I last updated regularly, since being single things have been tough financially so the only new camera I have bought is a second hand Sony A6000 which I have been enjoying a lot with some reservations.

I still take photos fairly regularly but nowhere near as often as I would like to. It seems to be all to rare that I have free time when the weather is decent and even when that happens I find myself prone to bouts of depression and just an overall lack of enthusiasm.

I still think about things to write all the time and I'm still of the mindset that I will get back into it eventually, for anyone who's still watching this blog I just want to say thanks for your patience. Life is complicated at the moment and I'm a born worrier so while many people might turn to their hobbies as a form of stress relief I tend to find myself too preoccupied to enjoy it!

Rest Bay